Xbox 360 Review: Onechanbara – Bikini Samurai Squad

March 18, 2009 by  

Zombies! Blood and Boobies! Oh my!

Out to find the meaning of her Imichi ancestors, Aya puts her legendary samurai skills to the test in order to battle legions of zombies terrorizing the city. With her sexy younger sister Saki and armed with only their swords and their ball-busting beauty, these two face bondage, blood, and nonstop battle, stopping at nothing to rid their home of the zombie threat. Every person they meet and enemy they defeat gets the sisters closer to understanding who or what is behind this zombie outbreak and putting an end to it.
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Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad is an odd game involving women in bikini’s killing hordes of zombies with swords. I must admit, I laughed when the game turned up on my doorstep…I thought it was a ridiculous idea. How would it appeal? Sure, there’s a nice combination of sex and violence for most gamers…but it isn’t enough to cover up that the game is actually pretty poor.

Onechanbara is your typical hack-n-slash game with tons of zombies and other enemies to kill. You can swap between the sisters with just one button, which is handy if one is low on health. Essentially all you do is kill wave after wave of zombies, collect loot and then move on. Some might say that’s exactly what you do in Resident Evil 5, but there’s really no comparison here. Most of the zombies only require one or two hits to be killed and they all offer a gory death. Blood plays an important part in the game…if your blade becomes completely covered in the red stuff, then you have to wipe it clean or zombies will grab it. I don’t really understand the thinking behind that…I don’t remember having to do that for any past hack-n-slash game…it doesn’t make much sense.
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All cutscenes are in Japanese with English subtitles, which is disappointing. Why couldn’t they have dubbed it instead? The story is fairly unimportant and it’s nothing original either. Also, why are the subtitles so bad? They is some bad gapping between letters, making it hard to really see what it’s trying to say. The controls for the game are fairly simple. One button swings your sword while the other makes you kick, that’s about as complex as it gets. Enemies are incredibly dumb and offer little challenge to you. It’s disappointing and it becomes clear that all the blood and bikini’s is a mask for the game to wear, but it’s not enough to hide it from its faults.

There are boss battles at the end of each level, but they too won’t exactly push you far. There is two player co-op included, but only local…despite Live support for downloadable content like extra costumes. They’ll charge a fortune for new outfits, but not for your friends to see them…it’s a shame really. Ultimately that’s my opinion of the game as a whole, it is a shame. It lacks anything enjoyable other than a quick laugh at how those boobs bounce as you jump or as the blood splatters across the screen.

The Verdict

Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad is a shallow hack-n-slash game that tries to use sex and violence to cover up its inferior gameplay. I like boobies and blood as much as the next guy, but as a game…it just lacks any quality.

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